mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
