this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
