i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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