i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
