READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
