I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
