forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
