When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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