I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
