I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
