Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
