dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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