Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
