You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
