hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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