I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize