I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
