why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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