On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
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