someone threw a dead crab at me
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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