Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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