i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
