my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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