wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
