you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
