If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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