i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
