my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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