He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
