Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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