I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
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