that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
