Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
