Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
