question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
