That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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