I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
