Umm I'm too high to move.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
