If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
