I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize