i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
