Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
