I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
