I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
The beer is more important than you right now.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Randomize
