Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
i think my cat just said my name.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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