Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
