Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Maybe he injected his testicle?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
