what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize