did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
