I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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