Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
