i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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