Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
