You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
