i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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