Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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