she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
