I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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