my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Too much gin, very little bucket
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
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