Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
