dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
