is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
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