Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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