i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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