you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
