Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
