i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
