the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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