How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
