I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
