the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
