I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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