I'm lost and stupid without you.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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