dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize