Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
please don't ironically join a cult
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