I wannas sexs uuuuu
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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