maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
