News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
