sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
